|::CoLD InStinCt::|

Phew...Let's see...

2009-12-15T01:11:00.000-08:00

God, many times I have wondered why I even bother to give a title to any of my blog posts. They hardly make any sense and usually, do not even relate much to the contents whatsoever.

Anyway, this blog has been dead for the past 4 months I think. I am even typing this entry using a new notebook. Yup, the other one finally decided to die on me, first went the CD/DVD drive, then the mouse pad and keyboard got cranky and I decided, enough was enough. It was a good buddy, and had accompanied me faithfully throughout my 3 years of poly, BUT, it DIED on me, so well...

Well, on to my life. I am currently counting down to my work expiry day. It should have been the 8th of Dec 2009, but somehow I got hoodwinked/brainwashed/convinced(just choose one you like, I can't decide which is more suitable in my case) to stay for another month. And that decision was actually made after I danced around the mulberry bush with my bosses for an entire month. I will elaborate more should I meet up with those who do not know the full story, so that I won't bore anyone with the same stuff over and over.

Right now, life is not too kind on me, and I am learning to deal with the adult world, so do forgive me if I act childish when I am outside, cos that's my way of letting loose.(I am only 20, cut me some slack!!!)

Oh Christmas is around the corner, so there's time for some enjoyment yet. I need to think of something for my dad since he has hinted he did not get any Christmas present. He's probably thinking of the Crabtree & Everlyn cookies I gave my mum. I really wanted to do up a tree for him but there doesnt seem to be any time. Maybe I should try to do some decorating, provided I can find any ornaments to do so...:)

Haha, that's all for now folks...will update once I find the time to complete the many tasks on my list. Oh ya, to those spamming my tagbox, can just one person contact me on the meetup thing? I am getting confused as to who is the organiser and whom I should reply!!! Thanks!

God Bless....

After 2 months...

2009-08-10T07:29:00.000-07:00

Yup, here I am! Hahaha, haven't been updating, and as usual, there's spam in my tagbox. Busy busy busy... and too damn tired!

Been enjoying the rare, 4 days long holidays and I really don't wanna go back to work tomorrow. Oh by the way, Happy B'day, Zijian! I did not forget, just lazy to sms.

Here goes my ranting...

Work is, as I have mentioned, totally exhausting. I can't seem to complete anything on time, and there have been times in the recent week I really wanted to break down and cry. Man, the politics alone can kill sometimes. The way of life in a big corporate firm!

Being the youngest in the entire company has a lot of drawbacks. Conversation topics usually revolve around marriage and children. That's not the bad thing though, the worse is when people leave you out of the conversation because they think you won't understand. At times though, being ignored is perfectly fine with me.

I do cringed, at times, when they call me Xiao Mei or Mei Mei, because it feels like I am being singled out completely.

Oh, I have been getting migraines lately, and I think they aren't going away any time soon.

Haha, the clock is ticking and I have to get to bed soon... or I am so not going to wake tomorrow morning. Will continue again!

First week at work...and to be continued...

2009-06-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

Wow, time really flies. My first week of work has gone past and a new one starts tomorrow. Before I go into that though, my apologies to Irene, Zheng Jie and Clayton for not being able to attend last week's dinner. Really had quite a bit to do that day. If there are any other people involved, sorry to you guys too. However, I do wonder if it actually got cancelled, since no one has mentioned it at all after that.

Alright, back to topic.

I am still adjusting to the fact that I am working, not to mention that it's in a real corporate environment. Even though NCS was also a big company, being an intern and an employee is two totally different thing. At NCS, they did not bother to teach me fully since they knew for sure I was going to be leaving in 3 months. So there were stuff I did not really touch on.

Now at Panasonic, I am totally exposed to the real world. The open office concept in the office is so different too. Being able to look directly at my GM when working is quite scary too. Besides the environment, my job scope is one that covers many areas, and there is a mixture of stuff I have learnt only the theory of as well as those I have never ever touched in my entire life.

Even though I am only a temp staff, my colleagues seem to treat me as though I was going to stay for a year. They are nice enough, and I do like the fact that I am expected to ask as many questions I have to in order to get my work done. I sure hope I'll not disappoint any of them and that even though I have no experience, I'll be able to catch on fast enough.

I'm scared still when seeing or approaching any of the department managers or GMs or MD. It will take a while I guess, and being an admin officer means I will surely have to speak to them.

On lighter notes, I have been brought to quite a few places to eat around the office area. Fortunately for me, there is no lack of good food there. I have also found female colleagues to eat with, so I think things has gone pretty smoothly.

I'll blog more soon, it's officially bed time now.

See ya....:)

Food + Friends = Gathering, Calls + Interview = Work

2009-06-09T05:58:00.000-07:00

Hehe.. Just for info, I am gonna be recapping the last few days in this post. For graduation, I have passed that already. So that's all.. hehe.. Oh read all the way through, you won't be disappointed.

Okay here goes...

Tuesday, 2nd June 2009
Received a call from an agency regarding a job position as an Admin Officer. Told them to go ahead and send my resume. I believed at that time that I wouldn't get a reply.

Wednesday, 3rd June 2009
Received second call from agency. I was shortlisted for an interview the following day. I agreed and all was set.

Thursday, 4th June 2009
Went for interview at 9.30am at The Concourse. Took a walk down memory lane when heading there since it was the same route I took to the SJAB HQ few years ago. The interview was quite fun and not as bad as I expected. I was interviewed by 2 people.

Friday, 5th June 2009
Received call early in the morning that the company has decided to hire me. I prepared myself but didn't get a call till quite late in the afternoon. Hence, I did not manage to sign my contract that day.

Met my good friends for dinner at Suntec's Astons after that. Had a good time, should do that more often. Hehe...Planning...

Saturday, 6th June 2009
Did not really do much, except heading to Parkway to shop. Bought a top for work there. Then went to the expo John Little sale. Squeezed through the crowd, and bought a pair of shoes, shower scrub and kettle chips. Dinner at White Sands I think.

Sunday, 7th June 2009
Conquered Bukit Timah Hill along with Ben and 2 of his friends. Woke up at 6.30am and was out of the house by 7.05am. Had breakfast at Simei, 2 eggs and 1 slice of bread, along with a cup of Teh O. Reached Bukit Timah Hill at around 8.30am but it was about 9am when we managed to start hiking since there was limited parking lots.

I still can't decide if climbing the stairs or going down the stairs is worse. Going up was exhausting, going down made my knees hurt because of the stones. I was lucky to see a squrriel but did not catch which species it was. Hope I can get a picture next time.

Went for lunch at Siglap after the hike. We had Yong Tou Foo. It was quite nice really and I think I'll go there again sometime soon. Then we all ended up shopping at Parkway. Again. Was fun though, since the girls really loved shopping. Bought another top for work(Ben got it for me). Dinner was takeaway for me, the delicious curry chicken from the food court there.

Monday, 8th June 2009
Went down to Tanjong Pagar to sign my contract with the agency at 3pm. Left at about 4pm, then headed down to the This Fashion at Paya Labar. So many clothes and so cheap. Had alot of fun trying the formal wear. Only bought 2 skirts because I did not want to spent too much. In the end, they were 40% off each and I spent only $34.80 in total. Promise to go back soon, before GSS ends.

Met Ben at Tampines for dinner. Finally, I got to eat Sakae! Haha..refreshing...

Tuesday, 9th June 2009
First day of work. Reported at 8.15am and found myself way too early. HR and Receptionist wasn't even there yet. A kind soul let me into the reception area to sit, then I happened to meet one of my interviewers who waved to me. He told me to wait for awhile for the HR to settle the admin work before I'm handed over to him.

In the midest of our conversation, who should walk in but the MD himself! I scared stiff! Oh, it's a Japanese company, so the upper management are mostly Japanese and politeness is of utmost importance. Not to mention that females are generally supposed to be more submissive in the japanese culture. SCARY!

I am still in the training stage so there wasn't much work yet. My mentor is the same person who interviewed me so I'm still scared of him. Of course, there's the Manager to be afraid of too. I hope everything goes well, since I have to stay for the next 6 months. Oh, they treated me lunch today. So I'll have to find a way to treat them back the next time, probably when I get my first pay. Company politics.

Phew... I need to head to bed....

Okie, it's official!!

2009-05-24T10:58:00.000-07:00

Hahaha...What's official? The fact that my dad's not attending my graduation ceremony! Okay, I'll write about that later on.

I'm kinda going bonkers right now.

Anyway, my mum's problems has found its way to me again! Just spent a full hour trying to figure out what the hell is wrong between her and my dad. I have done this like a million times? When are they ever gonna quit this senseless disagreements? NEVER! He came home from the shop with a semi-black face(not literally of course!), muttering something about "A lot of people every sunday...". I could actually smell the foul stench of trouble brewing already!

He only complained a little, and all I got was the gist of it. The matter took a bad turn only when my mum came home. He started his nonsense, and that got my mum to start ranting. Unfortunately for me, I got full blast since he decided to make coffee and then retire to bed early. Hell, he just woke up from a nap! And what was my brother doing? Reading in bed!

Seriously, MEN!

Arghhh...Like I said it took me about an hour to figure out what was bothering her, and the conclusion I drew? She's thinking way too much and too far. She is worrying too much about everything. Haiz...it's so easy to read her, since I inherited that stubborn, think way too much into everything trait from her myself!

And at this point I just feel like starting to laugh out loud. My parents are so comical when they bicker. No wonder I grew up too fast! Ahhh, nevermind, at least this matter still has some chances of being resolved in a diplomatic way. I'll probably be hearing ranting from my dad tomorrow. Pity me.

Okay, back to the graduation thing. Amazingly, the queue in line for my invitation disappeared since two of three who wanted it has declined already.

Oh yeah, just awhile ago, when I learnt that friends have so many relatives going to root for them, I kinda felt pretty depressed. I was in half a mind not to go for the ceremony already. But since the gown has been rented, and clothes bought, I thought I'll just go and enjoy myself! I'll just find someone reliable to get a picture of me wearing the gown on stage!! I could consider framing it then? Besides, I'll be able to find my lecturers after the ceremony and have a proper chat without worrying about my dad being there.

It's just way too childish for me to be upset about no one attending a mundane thing like my graduation. Somehow, this is the way things are in my family and I have long learnt never to let small matters like that affect me too much. So that's that...

And finally... HAHAHA :)

Another ordinary post...

2009-05-16T08:31:00.000-07:00

Haha, silly title and silly me. Been feeling utterly useless and bored lately. Weeks seem to be flying pass superly fast and yet, I have had nothing much to do. My routine everyday? Monday-Thursday are normally "sleep at 4am, wake at 12pm or later" days. The occasional messages and calls I receive will wake me earlier, but I usually just go back to sleep feeling irritated after that. Fridays will find me waking slightly earlier as I usually have to work.

So what do I do between my waking time and the next sleeping time? By 3pm, you'll see me sitting in front of my computer, sandwich in hand and coffee on the table, watching the latest dramas that has caught my attention, or simply using Facebook. Then comes dinner, either takeouts or self made.

At least my weekends are better, I get to dress up and go out. Like today. Managed to catch the show "Angels and Demons". Tom Hanks is truly suitable for his once again role of Professor Robert Langdon. I can't think of another actor who could play him. Having read the book only once and about 2 years ago, my muddled mind failed to recall the full story and was still pleasantly shocked at some scenes. Also starring in the show was Ewan McGregor, whom I had admired in "The Island" and "Moulin Rouge"(I feel like listening to Come What May all of a sudden). All in all it was a really good show, and no, it did not make me feel any anger whatsoever. It's just a show, and the book was amazingly written, so that's that.

I'm now awaiting Transformers 2(damn long wait), Terminator and Night at the Museum 2. So many shows to catch and so little time. Amazingly, I am not that into the Harry Potter movies anymore. I have not touched the last two books and don't feel like it anymore. Seems like J.K Rowling made the last two books way too uninteresting. Okay, that review was way overdue, it doesn't make sense anyway.

28th May is graduation, and somehow knowing I'll be stepping into NYP for the last time make me feel weird. Those 3 years of memories will be etched in my mind forever. And speaking of which, I am thinking of holding my dad at knife point, he haven't seem to have decided if he wants to come. Ben has suggested "acting like I am going to break his fishing rods" to make him answer. Haha...they cost at least $1000 each, don't think I can take the risk.

Alright, I'll stop right now, since there's a program I wanna catch on cable on now...

Cheers!!!

Reminder...

2009-04-29T23:47:00.000-07:00

Wow, I am so surprised. Those that have been stalking my blog seems to have disappeared. It's so amazing there aren't much comments going around here. Well, perhaps I should just stop blogging, then there would be comments. Haha.. alright, this is just something I would like to add to the post below regarding my "failed" job hunt.

Just a note to whoever is reading, the post below was not meant to discredit the company in any way. In fact, I kind of admire the company's marketing and advertising strategy. For your info, that company is not a scam. It is a legal company with an altogether different approach to sales. That was one reason I did not post any company names nor address.

Furthermore, I believe there are people out there who does appreciate the way things work in the company, so they must have done something right. I only wrote that long entry to caution my pals that however attractive an ad seems to be, do ask and clarify any doubts before wasting time for an interview. Doing a through research beforehand is a good practice too, and if you feel doubtful or sense something wrong, do remind yourself constantly not to be forced or brainwashed into anything you might regret, and get out of it before it gets worse.

I have successfully canceled my interviews with them, and currently praying for God to remain by my side to guide me along.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A job interview, or two...or not...

2009-04-29T09:04:00.000-07:00

Hi guys, hehe...two entries in two days is alot for me, and seems like only one person managed to realize I did the first.

Anyway, I just wanted to share some pretty amazing stuff that went on today, so, please put on your seat belt and hang on for the ride.

I was awaken by a phone call at precisely 9.45am this morning(Wednesday). The moment I saw an unfamiliar number, I jumped out of bed and slapped myself awake before I answered. True to what I had expected, it was a call in response to my application for a job! I was overjoyed! This really nice lady named Mas asked me some questions and told me to go down for an interview tomorrow. We scheduled one at 11.15am. Place? Somewhere in Paya Labar.

Wow, when I checked the place up on the internet, it seemed like a double bonus. I knew the area by sight.

About an hour later, I received a call from yet another unfamiliar number. This time, I jumped up from the floor. HOLy... It was another job interview. This time, it was scheduled 4pm tomorrow. Place? Somewhere in Tanjong Pagar. You can surely imagine my excitement already.

Those weren't the only calls I recieved though. Before lunchtime, I had a grand total of 4 calls. Three of which regarding job interviews and one from Recruit Express asking me for a career consulting session. Man, at that point of time I was sure I had hit a huge Jackpot!!! I was silently joking that GOD actually do read blogs, cos a day after I posted my difficulty in job hunting, I got so many calls.

I happily went and prepared the documents I would need, as well as a nice, neat haircut. Yes, it's shorter again.

Before I went for dinner, I got another call from the ever polite Mas, asking if I was confirmed for tomorrow's interview. Of course I said yes.

After dinner, Ben drove me around the place of the first interview, trying to help me get my bearings in case I got lost. When I got home, I went and searched up both addresses again. However, instead of directions to the places, I found to my horror that I might have walked into a trap worse than death itself.

Apparently, the three companies calling me for interviews were all part of the same UK-based company. An extensive address search linked me to differently named "companies" using the same three addresses. The worse has yet to be mentioned.

A) This job actually involved direct sales, meaning door to door sales as well as in road shows and such.
B) No CPF, fully commissioned based salary(so the basic salary of $1800 was fiction).
C) The posts/complaints I found stated that three people was interviewed together at one go.(This consisted of job seekers holding Diploma, Degree, O'levels or even ITE certs ).
D) The job seekers usually wait for over 1/2hour before they could go in, and interviews can take up to 1hour with them "brainwashing" you to join.

Imagine my horror realizing this... The beautiful truth has been revealed. As I read on to gather the facts, my stomach felt like I have been punched ten times over. Some nice people also commented that those hired on the spot included those whom, to quote word for word, "could not string even two complete sentences in English properly". Another one commented they, having been convinced to turn up for a second interview, arrived to find a group of people dressed in polo tees and bermudas and slippers waiting with trolleys full of products.

After a discussion with my dad and Ben, I have decided to call up in the morning and cancel both interviews scheduled. The risk is way too much to take, and I am not interested in a fully commissioned, not to mention no CPF job.

I'll stop here as I think everyone is tired after this very long rant. Please do excercise caution when agreeing to interviews, my dear friends..

I'll most probably post something tomorrow so do keep that seat belt on!!

oops..FINALLY...

2009-04-28T04:23:00.000-07:00

Did I hit another three-months-one-update again? Hehe..Lets see if I can get any part of my sanity back with this post.

Okay, for starters, the title don't make much sense. Actually, nothing in my life does anymore. Hehe...Well, results have been long out and ya even though I didn't hit my target, I'm happy with it so...frankly, that's the max amount of thought I'm going to put aside for it.

Next major event in the academic part of my life is GRADUATION. It does occupy a greater portion of my mind as there are gowns to order, applications to complete, asking my dad constantly if he wants to attend or not, and so forth. So far, his answers has led to one vision in my head, that of me breezing into the auditorium with a borrowed relative(of Penny's) by my side. Yup, he's still indecisive, but there is a greater than 70% chance of him not attending, so there goes...oh, he keeps asking me the date and I know for a fact he usually writes important dates down on his calendar...(so is this important or not?)...one does wonder at times...

Alright, lets move on. To perhaps the most frustrating and depressing event in my whole entire 20 years of living on this earth. My job hunt. So far, I have uploaded and sent my resume to I don't know how many companies and still have NOT gotten a single reply. Now I get all depressed when someone asks me about it. It just seems so bleak. Even when I'm racing my pet meaninglessly in Pet Society, questions like "Have I sent the resumes correctly?", "Did I make any mistakes in them, like missing address or omission of information that are solely required by the company?", or even "Have I sent them through the correct way?".

No no, don't worry, I'm not on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It's just the way I am. I need to always double check because I have a tendency to be careless.

Hehe, my dad has mentioned a trip to Hong Kong and I'm currently hoping to plan one to Malacca as well. Hence, I need information regarding Hong Kong and Malacca, like where to shop, hotels to stay in or places I should definitely visit and so on, so if anyone has any good information please do tell me! It would be greatly appreciated!! By the way, Malacca's where I can trace my heritage as well as ancestors and a trip there would be really meaningful to me, so if I can't go to Hong Kong for some reason, I do hope to at least go there..

Anyway, I hope the job market will improve soon. And yes of course, that I'll get at least two or three good replies soon. Hehe... gotta go..next entry will hopefully be less depressing...:)

xxxxxxxxxxx Love ya all!! xxxxxxxxxxx

For you my dear...

2009-02-17T00:05:00.000-08:00

Haha, this is about the next two days, 14th Feb and 15th Feb...and is posted for my hubby...(happy? hehe...)

14th Feb is a day most people should know right? Yup, it's Valentine's Day...

Woke up at 11am, and rushed to get ready to go out with my dear hubby... We had planned to catch the movie, "Curious Case of Benjamin Button" few days prior to Valentine at Grand Cathay. Here comes the funny bit, we both had no inkling if Grand Cathay was at the Cathay. Really, places in Singapore are named quite oddly... We took a gamble anyway, and arrived in The Cathay with loads of time to spare.

Lunch was one of the best I had in a long time with my hubby...a mixture of XXL fried chicken chop, Sausage crepe and Oyster mee sua from Shihlin Street snacks, and Superior Kung Fu Iced Milk Tea. Yes, I hear sniggers regarding the name, it kind of wowed me too...maybe there really was Kung Fu involved?

Next was the movie, which I really enjoyed tremendously. It made me feel many different emotions... How could one fall in love with someone you know would gradually get younger as you got older, live with him, and have a child, then carry him as a baby in your arms in your old age? Well, that is love for you... love that did not have a beginning nor end, because one's end was also one's beginning... and vice versa...

After that, we went to Suntec. We paid a visit to the arcade, and man, the amount of couples there were amazing... not to mention that most were clutching plushies caught from the machines.

I got one TOOOOOOO!!! haha... Then came dinner at SOUPerlicious....

Beef Goulash soup, Potato Salad, Macaroni Salad and Iced Peach Tea

Very very healthy and light dinner...

15th Feb

Met my hubby at 3pm for lunch + dinner...
We went to Parkway and and had dinner at Ichiban, durian ice cream from Scoop(can I please have another??) and picked a cake from SwissBake. It was champange something... haha...ALCOHOL!!

Above is the combination of Valentine and birthday gifts my hubby gave me...

Thank you my hubby, I fully appreciate everything that you have done...nothing would have worked if it weren't for you... Love you, love you, love you!! Hehe...there's that smile u love...

Just for you...

Here goes... for 13th Feb 2009

2009-02-16T22:31:00.000-08:00

Yo!!! Haha.. I promised to blog again soon didn't I? So ya, here goes...

First of all though, the clock is turned back to only about 4 days ago, 'cause things that have happened those days need some standing space in my blog.

Friday, 13th Feb 2009 was the last day of my FYPJ, also the last day of school for me. Amazing huh, walking around school certainly felt different that day. For starters, my lab mates came out with the idea of ordering pizza to lock our memories together forever. We invited our supervisors and guess what, to our embarrassment, there wasn't enough FOOOOOD!! Not to mention that the pizza was late! Okay, to be honest, he was on time, we ordered late...

Anyway, these things do happen, and at least there was still food! Blame Mr Cheong for counting the pizzas, but I appreciate his help in taking the first few slices of pizza! It made us feel loads better... come to think of it, Mr Wagio too, or was it he was too hungry to care?..hmmm...err, for pics of the celebration, please take a look at Penny's blog, it houses all the pics since it was her camera. The music she added when coupled with the pics, can make one sob no end. I have already soaked a whole towel! (it has nothing to do with me "sleeping" in most of the photos!)...I really miss everyone....

Well, you guys see the change in colour here? It marks the next chapter... Shin Yi's and my b'day celebration!! It was on the same day. We went to the porridge steamboat at AMK. For $15 per pax, it wasn't that bad... thing was we didn't see a single grain in the supposed porridge pot! Haha, we were told to stir it constantly but it didn't seem to work. There was a slight burning smell though...

However, the most important thing was I had all my friends there with me that day! These are people I have known through the phase of my entire poly life! Friends I knew since Year 1(Chen Sheng, Shin Yi, Xiao Wei, Ken, Jing Rong...), Year 3(Penny, Clarence, Clayton, Zheng Jie, Zijian...).......sobs..

One wonders when we will do this again... oh crap..the water tap came loose again... keke...on brighter notes...the presents!!

The above from Chen Sheng, Penny, Xiao Wei, Clarence, Ken, Jing Rong

The above from Clayton, Zheng Jie, Zijian

I really really love the presents guys...and every single one of you too!! Thank you all for the fun time we had that night, for being my friend all this time, for everything else... We must find time to have more dinners and gatherings!! I am fervently hoping for the chalet we never seem to be able to plan......

Here's to the beginning of a new chapter for all of us, CHEERS!

Surprise Surprise...

2009-02-08T08:02:00.000-08:00

Hello hello...yes yes, been far far too long since the last entry. Seems like the LOLs in my tag boxy has stopped. Just a note: This is only a brief update, I'll turn back the clock to past events in my next entry. Hehe..

Well, anyway, I have long ago finished my IPP and on the verge of completing FYPJ. Just another week more and I'll say goodbye to NYP. It's more than a little scary to think of it now that the prospect of graduation is closer. Even when rushing out work for my project, a little voice in the back of my head will remind me that I have to look for a job soon. Haiz, I need to take things in stride.

Alright, I know this entry is extremely disappointing(by my own standards), but I'll be updating soon, when I finish off my jobs at hand. Oh ya, just celebrated Clarence's birthday last friday. It was fun and the dinner was quite good considering the fact that it was our last minute backup plan. Haha..will elaborate more..

NITEZZZZ...>>>>>>>>>>

Just an update...

2008-08-24T11:40:00.000-07:00

Hi there, haven't blogged for a while already.

Olympics officially ended the day before. Time seems to past really fast these days. I already have two paper down, one more left to conquer before I take a short break before IPP. Still scared at the thought of it but then, come what may!

Been feeling a little off again, with trying to get motivation to study for my exams and coordinating the chalet at the same time. At least the chalet problem is more or less solved, and the 7th month issues were expected. Hopefully there will be enough people left over to make it a fun one. There's some other matter weighing me as well, but I think since it's a friend's problem, I shouldn't carry the burden myself. Praying that God will kindly help my friend resolve it and not let it explode further.

Looking forward to the lunch feast this Wednesday. At least we'll have something to celebrate the end of our exams. See you guys! Study hard and smart, good luck to all...Let us move forward together!!

GOD BLESS>>>>>>

HSM ICE TOUR!!!

2008-08-08T10:10:00.000-07:00

08/08/08!!

Went to watch HSM Ice Tour with Ben at expo tonight!!! Hehe, it was really really exciting. He reached my house around 6pm and drove us there. Reached there about 6.20pm. We shouldn’t have worried we would not be able to find the place because the first thought I had was “Just follow the kids!” There sure was many around! We decided to get some food at the “Munchy Cafe” there since we were early.

After a meal of chicken sausage, 4 fishballs, a plate of fries and chicken pie, we went to walk around a little. The many booths outside the hall were filled with souvenirs. We decided on the cotton candy in the end.

I was a little shocked at the price though, it cost $14 with a plastic hat included. Besides this, there were also shirts, some toys, flags bearing the “wildcats” logo, popcorn and some crushed ice drinks available. I think the flags and crushed ice drinks were more worth the money since they can be kept. I have my little plastic hat though, so it’s fine!

We made our way into the hall and our seats. Took pictures and started on the cotton candy since we had like at least 15mins. I think I really got high on it. There were 4 balls of it!! SUGAR HIGH!!

ACT 1 consisted of scenes from HSM 1, with an intro of all the characters. I must say, the ice skater playing Sharpay really resembled Ashley Tisdale. I was totally wowed by the skaters! One of the scene, that of Troy and Gabrielle singing “Breaking Free” was breathtaking. “Gabrielle” had a solo part where she twirled in the air. Man, I really admire what they can do in their skates.

One memorable part was the “Call Backs” scene where 3 scenes were going on at the same time. The skaters practically froze when it was the turn of another part of the stage. Another was the slow motion illuminated basketball. That really made us sit up because everyone thought it was really FLOATING!!

ACT 2 was equally entertaining. Consisted of scenes from HSM 2. Again, I stared in awe as the skaters leaped into the air and spun on the ice. There was a scene where Troy’s shirt was literally torn off him!! Adults in the audience wolf whistled!! When Troy did his solo, “Bet on It”, I thought it really beautiful! He was graceful and still had that manly stance! Of the skaters, the 3 leads, Sharpay, Gabrielle and Troy had the most difficult routines. I really loved watching them.

A little girl sitting behind us was really into it. According to Ben, she knew every single song that was played. I was tempted to take a photo with her, she was a star herself!!

We ended the night with supper at Xin Wang at White Sands.

God, I really had a wonderful night!! Thank you Ben, for your company!

GOD BLESS!!!

What does the near future hold...?

2008-08-03T11:14:00.000-07:00

Just some thoughts I felt like sharing. Hehe, been thinking a lot about my IPP lately. Like how I am going to be able to make it in time to work every morning for three whole months. "Lucky" me got attached to NCS, which is at Ang Mo Kio. Haha, of course, some would remark that I have been going to school there for so long, there's really nothing to complain about. True, but going to school is way different. This is work, I cannot afford to be late and it seems there's only one route I can take to get there.

I wonder if this is another of God's test. I can feel butterflies in my stomach at the mere thought of this attachment. A comforting thought is that I have another classmate with me. But I know it's still gonna be scary for me. There's also one other thing: ATTIRE. I sure hope they will brief us on the rules they have. I know guys would not fret about this because their formal is just that, FORMAL. We girls however, have certain rules to abide.

There's this rule about only skirts allowed for females. My mum did warn me I have to invest in some skirts quick. Please do not think I am superficial, I just want to get these simple things over and done with, so I will be able to concentrate on the work involve. I am such a klutz, God knows how much I can botch things if I am unprepared. I hope I will be able to fit in and make friends as well.

Hell, I'm going to miss lunch breaks with Penny, Clarence, Clayton, Zheng Jie and Zi Jian. (yes, ladies first, then alphabetical order.) To you all, I have really enjoyed your company these past months and I really feel like crying already. You must really think I am mad. Hehe. Can't help it, really happy that I got to know all of you. Don't laugh at me.

I think I'm going to feel it more when I realise two of you are about 15mins walk away from me. Please do not forget me. LOLX.

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On happier notes, I finally have one of the necklaces I wanted!! The credit goes to Ben, who took the time and effort to order it from UK. I cannot thank you enough. I really did not expect it. Here, I am smiling that smile you wanted. But I also have tears in my eyes, and I think you know why. I am still thinking of what to wear it with. Don't worry, I have decided to wear it for you first. Just so you know, I am looking forward to the HSM ice tour!!

Oh for those who don't know which one, it's the one with the two dragons and red heart. The red heart really sparkles when a light shines through it!! Man, I am so mesmerized, I cannot believe it's mine. THANK YOU many many times over!!!

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Here, I am gonna jump topic again. My exams are around the corner. The last ones gracing my poly years actually. I have like three major ones, and one minor test(Com skills) the coming Wednesday. Going to be meeting Penny tomorrow to study for that.

Then it's IT Services and Management, which sucks because we got the most sleepy time slot: 12.30pm-2.30pm. Man, who sits for exams at that time? Not to mention that we have to walk all the way to the sports hall. And yes, it's on a dreaded Monday!! Perhaps a morning of studying in North canteen is in order. This is followed by Systems Integration two days later, at the joyful time slot: 9.00am-11am, and then IT Security a full week later at the same time slot.

Wow, that looked like one crappy paragraph.

Oh ya, now i finally remember what made me want to blog in the first place. Was looking through this year class photos and felt tears welling up. Hell, I really seem sentimental eh. (or emotional la)

Maybe it's because looking at the class photos brought memories back to the day it was taken, and yes, remembering how everyone was kind enough to stay back for Ee Ling draws another smile. My eyes can't help wandering to a certain spot though. Oh, the picture taken with Penny is stuck in my mind as well.

I think I'm going to end here. Or I'll really burst into tears. Hehe, too many things are blurry in the near future, and everyone of us needs to face them bravely. Yes, that one thing is on my mind constantly. No matter what I do, I cannot get rid of it.

GOD BLESS!!

Let one's heart be one's guide...

Dizzy Dorama...

2008-07-29T00:39:00.000-07:00

Hi there!

This is going to be a short one I guess.

Finally finished the last test for the week today. Think I'll take a break today and continue my citect tomorrow.

Yesterday was my Enterprise Networking presentation and a very interesting thing happened. I nearly fainted when it was my turn to present! I was already a little dizzy at the start of the presentation(actually, right from the morning). A friend commented my voice was shaky, was I really, I wonder? I think I honestly scared a pretty good lot of people.

I really want to thank those who were concerned for me. Thank you for being there to support me as well. It's really nice when I know there are those who really care and yes, Penny, thank you for your $0.70 milo and the heavy application of medical oil on my temples. LOLX!

I am taking this incident as a wake up call. I haven't been so weak for more than a year already, and it kinda scare me a little. Not having proper sleep, not eating correctly and not drinking enough water ain't healthy. Add in stress and unbalanced emotions and you'll get a very disastrous ending.

Something funny I learnt though, Clarence said he practically had to shout into Mr Lam's ear to inform him I "fainted". LOLX, I laughed my head off hearing that. So the whole concept of marking a presentation was not to pay attention.

Okie, blog soon...

God Bless!

Giving Up...?

2008-07-25T11:28:00.000-07:00

Geraldine Geraldine Geraldine, I am so disappointed in you!!!

YES, I am berating myself and hitting my head against the wall repeatedly. I don't want to whine, but I really don't know what to do anymore. What has happened to my resolves, my determination, my grades, EVERYTHING?

Just got my ITIL over and done with. Very very disappointed in myself. Only scored 75%. Yes, I passed, but it's a bloody low score. That grade when I really studied even the lecture slides? Bloody damn tired of looking into the mirror and seeing a failure staring back at me. If only I could turn back time! I still have a presentation on Monday and a test on Tuesday to clear.

Honestly, there's not enough time left. And it's all my own damn bloody fault!

Geraldine, you need to buck up and move forward, stop looking back! (this is the stronger part of me talking )

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There's another matter as well. One that has driven my sanity out of me completely. And I cannot do a thing about it!!! I hate mentioning it anymore, because everyone is sick of it, and no one believes anything good will come out of it. Thank you to the person who revealed a certain fact to me. Another ask me if I am giving up. I DON'T KNOW!

The mind is trying to win the heart, to quell its stupid desires and hopes. But it doesn't seem strong enough. Why does it always come to something like this?Tired tired tired of the facade I have been portraying, the seemingly indifference to everything.

A challenge to a fight for something with no future, how stupid am I? A foolish foolish foolish person, who has lost her way. There's no one to hear her cries of help and she knows it. At this instance, she knows she has no more power left and the end is near. Is this my answer then, to give up? To keep it buried forever, never to see light again, even the tiniest thoughts, and burning desires?

Maybe.

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I'm stopping the above ranting. I need to focus focus focus. I know my tears are coming soon, wish there's someone I can talk to right now. But I'm left with myself, I guess. There's really no one I trust enough anymore.

Yes, I spent the entire day walking around in a daze, wondering what else can go wrong and how much more I can take. Even playing pool made me tired, and eating was a chore. I wanted very much to curl up into a ball in a corner somewhere, to just forget everything. Somehow, I did not want to be alone even so. My friends surrounded me, but I felt so much loneliness still, and I looked at them as I would when watching a foreign-language film, just watching, not really taking anything said in.

Now, I'm going to really take on my studies, there's no time machine available. I have chosen this path, and I need to walk on even if I have to bite my lips till they bleed and ball my fists till my nails dig hard and leave marks on my palms. I'm sure everyone has their fair share of problems. So maybe my problem is mundane in other people's eyes. Time to put the shield back on, straighten my shoulders, steel my back and face this cruel world. Someday, somewhere, I'll find my salvation. Till then, there's not much I can do but accept everything thrown my way.

God Bless,

and here goes "Tian Yi" by Andy Lau....HAHA!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

What is Right and what is Wrong?

2008-07-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

Bugger bugger bugger.

A message to all: Please leave a proper name in your Tags. I don't know who the hell you are if you don't do that and it pisses me off.

Bugger bugger bugger.

I have been so tired lately. Have no idea what is draining all my energy exactly though. Perhaps it's the fact that I still have so many unfinished work. My dreams have been haunted by darkness lately. I think my eyebags are definitely staying put for say, another year at least.

Just got news on Monday that I am starting attachment first. Damn, I really wanted FYPJ first. Perhaps the only comfort is that a few close friends are taking the same path.

On the same day, I received news that me, along with a few others had to take our ITIL certification exams outside school. That was real bad news for us. "Lucky" me got a time slot 12.15pm this Friday, at Ngee Ann City. That was the closest location to my home. It just gets better and better doesn't it? Penny did mention she would accompany me if she was in a good mood, so I'll just keep my fingers crossed. Someone did mention he would go down to give support, but I wonder if he'll even remember. He does suffer from STM you know. Oh, I need to make sure I get on the right lift as well. ARGH!!

So far, there's 2 person who have failed and 1 that have scored 100% for it. Crossing my fingers again. Wonder what to expect for the next batch. Praying for Penny, not only to pass, but to get at least 90%. Yes dear god, I am that greedy.

Emotions are in another whirlpool. They seem to be like multiple roller coaster rides. Twirling here and there, making my heart race, making me fear that I'll get myself hurt anytime, as well as keeping me really numb as I scream out loud.

I am such a hopeless case. Is it better for one to foolishly believe in or knowingly hope for something? This question will be left unanswered I guess. I don't even know what the hell I want anymore. Only thing I can be sure of is to get the cert exam over and done with and study for my upcoming exams. I HAVE TO GET THE CERT NO MATTER WHAT. It costs a hefty $267.

Okie, will say good night for now. Haiz, whatever will be will be.

GOD BLESS!!oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Whirlpool...

2008-07-13T10:02:00.000-07:00

I AM SO SCREWED!!!

Yes, do not chide me for starting off with that. This is my blog, I'm free to write what I like. Feeling very very down.

First off, I have a test tomorrow and I am still frantically studying for it. This is one I cannot afford to fail. No way. If I get another F, I'll happily be repeating my module next semester. Haiz, what a drag my life is.

Listening to Andy Lau's "Tian Yi(Fate)" is so not helping. Fate is one thing that have been standing in my way for a long long time. It has been intervening in every goddamn aspect of my miserable life and I am getting sick of it. Arghh...I am positively raving mad right now.

God, when will I ever truly have my prayers answered? I really don't enjoy experiencing that again and again. Can I please have more helpful hints? Please please please, begging on my knees already.

On happier notes, I have been trying very desperately to get certain types of jewelery. Something along this line:

Hopefully the sellers of these necklaces will not sue me for posting this. I shall add the link so I can promote their webby. (http://www.gothicstyle.co.uk/ )

There you have it. They have a really cool collection available. Don't worry people, I am no goth chick (at this instance, check my cbox, there's sure to be a comment) I just love happen to adore snakes and dragons. They are fantastic creatures and I do own a snake ring that I love to bits. Wish I can widen my collection soon. I think the gems added to the designs make them even more desirable. Yes, I PREFER the red gems.

Hehe, I feel so much better letting some steam off. Let me get back to my studying.

TMLooooolaaaaWILLooooBEoooooAweeeeeeBETTERooooooDAYweeeee!!!Oooooooo

LOLX GOD BLESS!!..................................................................

Nervous...

2008-07-06T09:11:00.000-07:00

Hi there, it's me again. Didn't actually plan to blog. Just want to let off some steam. Tomorrow's my Mock Interview for Com Skills and hell I'm worried. Ok, the rest of my teammates are guys and it seems they can just strut in and preen their feathers. I wonder when this matter with my nerves is gonna end. I can stand my ground dealing with difficult customers and stuff. But where is my courage when it comes to this kind of situations? It's not even a real interview. Man, I'm turning all weird.

God, if you are listening, please let me be calm and prepared tomorrow. There's nothing I should be afraid of and I'm just freaking out for nothing.

Hehe, that helped. I don't think I really have much to blog about. Oh ya, helped out at the carnival at St Patrick's on Saturday. Quite fun really. Think my mum enjoyed the time out of the shop as well.

Got to get to bed ready, need to wake at 4am to try practicing the questions . Will probably blog soon.

OOOOOoooooooooooooooooooLove Is In Everyone's Heart, Feel It and Embrace ItoooOOOO

Just a Post...

2008-06-28T10:43:00.000-07:00

Yes, hello there. Here i go again, blogging at an unearthly hour, and about practically nothing at all. Actually, it's 1.45am and i' waiting for my dad to make coffee.

I know it's late, but this is actually the time my family have chats with one other. It's also the time my dad steals my chips and starts telling me dirty jokes. Why do i say "starts telling"? Hehe, that's because he stops to think over if i am old enough to hear it, then remembers i am already 19 and continues. I think he's really scared his daughter is growing up. I think i'll try sneaking a hug from him.

Ok, i hear the coffee cups being laid on the table. The smell of coffee is coming through.

I have decided to find a movie to watch through the night. I think that will make me feel better. Oh, work was fun today, though there was a hell lot of people today. I think my lower back will hurt for at least another 3 days.

Tomorrow is spring cleaning day. Time to clear the mess in my room. I'll be a good girl dear Lord, i promise. Might blog at night. Yes this is meant to be a short post.

WEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.......!!!!

Black Mood...

2008-06-25T11:04:00.000-07:00

Halo, time to blog. Yes, it's freaking 2.05am on a Thursday morning and here i am blogging. Before anyone question about the title, yes, it really is what it says. I haven't been feeling all that great the past few days.

I was greeted with another "F" on Monday afternoon. It was a combination of the previous 2 tests, which means i just about failed the 2nd one as well. Thanks alot dear God, i really adore my grades this semester. I also got confirmation my lecturer will not give a damn about us(all the F students for the module so far). But i don't blame anyone but myself. This is the real world, there isn't always a hand available to help you up. Ok, i still haven't broken down at this point.

Tuesday was a partially black day. Went to school early and wished i had gotten more sleep. Mr Bala's class was a breeze though, there was a bit of simple programming to do and we were done early. Went to the next class feeling just a little happier. Spent 1 hour half listening to Mr Leung's "speech" while trying to type the answers down. Not much difference, we do that all the time for the lesson. Spent the next hour playing around with a software alien to me. Went to lunch but ended up staring at the rest eating. Did not have any appetite that day. Went for Mr Lam lecture and took a whole page of notes.(finally got my old habit back)

Finally, it was time to find the girls. And that was the start of the "comments session". At least 3 people commented it made me look pregnant. Ok, when the first two comments came my way, i was able to to ignore it. But when the next one came, i felt damn lousy there and then. I was already feeling tired and all i wanted was to go home. Couldn't though, had a party to go to and that was why i was wearing it in the first place. I WAS MAD. My mind was screaming "bloody hell!!" Yes, i do know it's just a top and i am overreacting, but i really am feeling like crap. And the people who said that knows who they are so i shall not name them.

Wore that dreaded top to the party. And yes, i gained some enlightenment there about certain facts. Also, i learnt a few things about people. They make you feel lousy about something then tell you this straight in your face, "Who cares?" Ya, i know who cares, thanks alot people.

Thinking back to the party, i felt a little sad. Don't get me wrong, i was happy the birthday girl likes the presents and she was enjoying herself. But i couldn't help but thought about the way my family was. I just felt like my family do lack in a certain aspect. I will not have even my parents at my 21st, let alone relatives surrounding me. It just doesn't work that way in my family. Even most of my cousins have clean forgotten i exist, and i know for a fact we will all lose contact if not for my aunts. Nevermind, looks like i'll be saving alot of costs for my wedding. Haha..

Wednesday was a waste of time, heading back to school at 2pm because of the stupid National Education. So nothing much to talk about the day. Anyway, it's 2.47am now and it's time to end this very depressing blog.

Before i go though, my feelings are really in a huge messy state and there's nothing i can do about it. I have entertained short moments of suicide and this is a bad omen. I have been trying to throw those moments away because i know somewhere deep inside, i am much stronger than i think. I know i can overcome these weaknesses and i must help myself carry on. There's so much more to live for and God has blessed me with certain events and people to help me find my smile and strength once more. Also, i found tears rolling down my cheeks the moment i tried closing my eyes to sleep last night. Perhaps it's time i got a release from these bad stuff that are happening.

Ok, really time to go, fighting my pending cough and flu along with the tears. I have to stay strong, the future will only get brighter, i will not be my mother. Maybe if i am a good girl, i'll be able to sneak a hug from someone. Hehe...God Bless all...ooooOOOOOO

Seemingly Regular Post...

2008-06-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

To be honest, i have no idea why i am blogging at all. Nothing interesting seems to be happening right now. However, since someone has remarked about me blogging once in a blue moon, i shall try to update more regularly.

19/06/2008
Went out to get presents. It's amazing how many June babies there are in my current list of friends. Seems like everyone was born during the middle of the year. Did they ever considered that their own pals might have been lying in the same room and in the cot next to them if they were born in the same hospital? Well, i guess thats just the way life is meant to be.

My aunt was quite talkative today. The moment i walked into the shop, she gave me this smile that warned me i was in for a long chat. We spent the 2 short hours my mum was away talking. I think i have gained new insights about the current situation involving my mum and her. I am still not taking sides though, they have been at loggerheads ever since i can remember. I DO NOT TAKE SIDES.

My mum came back to the shop and ask us to guess the price of the whole chicken she had bought. It cost a WHOPPING $15. I freaked out man. Apparently, there was no price tag on it and my mum thought it wouldn't hurt. When the cashier scanned it through, she was stunned. She stared at the price, and remained stunned for about 3s. However, she bought it cos' she really needed it. We found out that it was a IMPORTED chicken from America and had not been injected with anything. Still, it's bloody expensive.

20/06/2008
Did nothing constructive today. Went out with XW meaning to buy another present but ended up playing pool at Kovan. Okay, it might be my very last trip out playing pool and i damn hell still suck at it. I think i am seriously dimwitted and outdated. One thing about going out with her, i always end up broke. Whether it is food or buying stuff, i seem to spend alot when i go out with her.

Dinner was damn nice. Went out with Ben to Bedok. I finally tried this western called "Botak Jones". 200g of ribeye steak served with chips cost $15. Man, it was pure bliss. And the environment: A hawker centre. I was eating with such ease, savouring that steak to my heart's content. The sauce provided was so nice, flavourful without being overly salty. I love the service as well. The food was a little cold though. But i am so going back there again.

I shall stop here... very very long post...hehe...back to school soon...Can't wait(some people know why.) And i really wanna go shopping before GSS ends. Need to get my stuff ready.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....>>>>>>>>>

When i have nothing better to do...

2008-06-08T22:11:00.000-07:00

Everyday that has gone by
Is not without pain
Even sleep
Brings me no comfort

Mind,
The dreams are sweet
But the desires they evoked
Taste bitter

I cannot have them
I should not have them
But I do not have a choice
It comes and goes

And everyone says nay
To forget about it
But somehow I cannot be swayed
Cause' my heart has been laid

And I refuse to take it back
Despite the consequences
The torture
I know I have to bear

By Me....
Cause' it bloody hurts...haha...

Holidays....YAY!!!

2008-06-05T04:59:00.000-07:00

Yo...halo...hihi...
OK i'm officially nuts. It's the start of our two weeks break already. Man, time really really flies. Can't god just help me drag a little time and not let me grow up so so fast? Scared to death the way things are going already. Got a sneaking feeling that things will go a whole lot faster when we head back to school.

Now, i am not going to think about that. i am DETERMINED to enjoy the last of my youth. No way i am gonna allow anything to get me down right now. Got a chalet coming up soon, hopefully it will be fun. i think everyone is really looking forward to this break. Life's getting the hell lot interesting for me also. New and old friends are popping up right out of nowhere. Warning bells are going off in my heads though. Cos' i am not sure if they are genuine or not. However, it's time to just chill and get some fun into my system first.

Emotions wise, i gonna put them on hold now. i have to focus on what is important first and just let certain things go. Shoo shoo.. let the pop come and go. i don't wanna mess things up anymore..

Okie, will blog more soon gotta ciao first. Think i gonna watch LOTR tonight and chill..
Arghhh...must finish my cisco first though..Holy Kami Kami...!!!

ooooooo GOD's BLESSINs follows me as i thread on uneven paths.. no amount of bruising will keep me moaning on the ground.. <3>

My Foggy Path......

2008-05-21T00:37:00.000-07:00

No more customary greetings today, just straight to the point. Honestly, i can't believe the path i have chosen to take for now. Too many things have happened in the last 3 months and they are a mixture of happy and sad stuff.

To start, this will contradict my last post greatly. Why? I have finally broken off my BGR of 4 years. Actually, its a two-week's old news already. May 10th, to be exact. 1 hr after our break up, i was like, sitting down lost in thoughts, no, not heartbreak or whatsoever. Just plain planning of what i was gonna do. We agreed that breaking off was the right thing since our feelings have died. Remaining friends was also another term we came up with. I have absolutely no regrets, and i shall look back on that relationship with fond memories. And i don't mind saying, i am quite enjoying the freedom of being single.

Now, i have recently been taking upon the role of Aunt Agony to friends and i kind of find it fun. It seems that this leap year is bringing loads of relationship hurdles to people in general. Maybe its a kind of curse. Or just a year where things changes, but for the worse or best, i have no idea.

For school, i have more than enough work to keep me frustrated till the next decade. Actually not really, but my stress level is on high now. I am however, all smiles nowadays and my temper has done nothing but only peek through at certain times. Its seems like i am finally learning to take things in stride. Perhaps its my way of accepting change and it's part of my stepping stone to the next phase of life. Mind though, i am still falling down lots and these falls are giving me the hell of many painful bruises, but i ain't letting them get in my way.

Pardon my incoherent flow of thoughts, but i am jumping back to my emotional side now. Maybe it's just the fact that matters in my heart are weighting me down inside. I have felt the stirrings of certain emotions for a certain someone and it's giving me hell. Haha, it's nice to be able to fall for someone again, and like Xiao Wei says, i am falling deeper and deeper, but i have to build a wall and guard those feeling though. Why? Because they are taboo, and i see no future in them. It's really tough cause' i face that certain someone so regularly. Some people think it's just a crush, but i really don't know. I know somehow the feelings are here to stay. Those rare moments standing in the lift with him with my heart pounding so fast i could beat the world record runners are real, those constant checks of touching my cheeks that i need to do when our eyes meet are seriously real (in case it makes no sense, my cheeks really turned red). I can't help myself. He's on my bloody mind half the time also, and people who knows my feelings are sick of them and i am sick of myself as well.

There is no way these feelings will ever be reciprocated as he'll never look at me that way. Hell, if anyone tells me he sees me more than a child, i'll probably laugh my head off. No one really sees past my exterior, so ya, i am still a kid in people's eyes. So ya, i am completely hopeless, and since i can't do a thing, no, not even speak out of school, i'll just shove it all back into my heart and soul. Though it will hurt real bad, i know enough to handle it with care.

Leaving off here, can't bear to carry on the already tedious post.

LOL!!!

My Unforgetable Valentine's Day 2008

2008-02-14T07:52:00.000-08:00

Firstly, i am way too tired and i am not gonna post about the celebration with my friends today. That's cos i have a more interesting day that i want to record forever... i'll probably be writting it down in my journal as well... hehe...

As the title clearly shows, it's VALENTINE'S DAY today!!!

The day started with me meeting my hubby at 12.30pm. We were heading for Marina Square to watch the movie "Jumper". We both had cravings for the "Shihlin" fried chicken and had that for lunch. Man, i love it so much. We tried the cheesy pasta at GV and trust me, it's the last time i am eating it. The counter staff just sort of dunk it in the hot water, poured cheese and fake bacon bits over it and served it to us. He was pretty generous with the fake bacon bits though and i loved the way my hubby said, "Wa, Yan Dao, Xie Xie Ni". Of course, he probably didn't hear it.

We were waiting for the movie to start and my hubby handed me these A4 size paper to read. I was like, what is this? There, on the paper, words like flight time, and the date caught my attention. Then my hubby cared to explain. It was the tickets and receipt for SINGAPORE FLYER, currently the world's highest ferris wheel!!! Oh my god!!! hehe...i was shocked when he told me how much it cost. Since it's for Valentine's and it's a special package, it cost $399 for two!!! That price is way way sky high...oh, i am trying frantically to recall why i did not ask my hubby why he was booking an early movie..(breaking here, saving the best for the last.)

We enjoyed the movie thoroughly and had dinner at "Spaggetti". It was really nice, but the best part was dessert. The tiramisu we had was amazing. This was the first tiramisu i had that has so much rum in the bottom layer. Really mouthwatering!!! Oh.. the movie was great and i loved Hayden Christiansen's role. Wish i could just teleport everywhere i want to, it would save so much money and time travelling.

After dinner, we took a walk down to the ferris wheel. As i saw the ferris wheel looming near, i felt my excitement building up. i still couldn't believe i was going to ride it!!! There were many people dressed quite stylishly and i think we were one of the youngest couple there. I received a bouquet of roses and ya, that's why he did not buy one. Our flight was a little delayed cos of a wedding couple who was probably late. We got on the capsule and man the view was fantastic!! They served champagne!!! It was an half hour ride and we took many many pictures.. We were so high up, i can't believe it. it was truly decorated for Valentine's and i really enjoyed it.

To my hubby, i really love and appreciated your time and effort in giving me this surprise!
LOVE YOU muacks!! i can't put it into words how much this day really means to me and how touched i really am....

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO dreams are meant to come true OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Blooms, Glooms, Dooms

2008-02-12T08:19:00.000-08:00

Okok, before anyone come bombing me about the rhyming title, i'll just be honest and say "i just feel like it!!" haha, no big issue cos this blog is not being read by many people anyway. Well, the title actually reflects my emotions now. Explanation : Blooms signifies the happy feeling of celebrating my coming b'day, Glooms signifies me fed up with the "cocking up" of a lot of plans made for the celebrations tomorrow, Dooms signifies the low expectation i have now of the plans and whether i'll enjoy myself. Why am i making such a big deal you may ask. Well, it's the last "teen" i have left!!! After this friday, i'll only have 1 year left to be a teen.

On happier notes, i still have Valentine's day to look forward to. My hubby is taking leave to spent time with me that day and i really really appreciate that. THANK YOU DEAR!! Love u, muacks... Hope we can catch "Chang Jiang Qi Hao" and enjoy that day.

Alright, going off le...lazy to type a lot..will write about the "disastrous" or "successful" celebration i promised....0000OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

New Year, New Stuff...

2008-01-31T09:16:00.000-08:00

Halo there...lolx...it's 2008 already, at least 2 months since my last post. Many many things have happened and it'll take way too long to say it all at once. Just for starters, it's Chinese New Year next week and i am feeling quite elated. My long awaited trip to Bangkok is finally drawing near and i can see myself shopping till i drop!! This only comes once a year and i really want to buy many many stuff. Though i have to study for my exams after i come back, there's another thing to look forward to...MY B'DAY CELEBRATION!!! i am gonna be officially 19 soon and it kinda makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy cos' i can get presents and sad cos' i am getting, well, too old!!!

Oh ya, my hubby just turned 23 and its really weird how age keep catching up no matter what. Soon, i'll be in my 3rd year of poly and another new beginning awaits. Haiz.. nevermind about that 1st, impt thing is to enjoy now..

okie signing off for the time being...will have another postie soon though!!!

oooooOOOOOOOOOO dreaming of the future OOOOOOOOOooooo

Here i am..months later...

2007-11-19T07:35:00.000-08:00

Don't really know where to start actually... Well, school's been on for about a month and life haven't been so good. I don't really know why but i haven't been focusing on my work at all. My notebook seems blank(not much homework recorded) and i dunno if it's on purpose. It seems like all my modules this time are really on the tough side and i feel weary just trying to do anything.

My eyelids flutter close,
But sleep does not come,
Instead,

Jolts of memories bolted home

Unpleasant and hurtful,

Most of them are

Stronger and stronger,
Those images fill my mind
Vivid and bleak,
Breaking me,
And burying me thus
Deep into the dust

So it seems,
The pain never cease,
But intensifies,
Devouring me inside,
Leaving behind,
An empty forsaken shell

By ME.

I shall stop here...for the time being...

Waitng And Enjoying the Wonders of Life

2007-09-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

Halo..miss me?? i realised i haven't blogged for so long..lolx..my exams are long over and results should be coming out soon. Not that anxious to know them though, since i know some will disappoint me.

On brighter notes, im currently enjoying my holidays. Really enjoying bcos im sleeping around 1am everyday and waking up at 1pm the next day.(full 12 hrs eh..) Even my hubby is calling me a pig. But then, i do need my rest as i have been down with flu and a terrible sore throat for the past two days, not to mention an irritating headache that refuses to go away.

Oh, i have finally plucked up the courage to visit the dentist for a consultation. I M GETTING BRACES!!! The bill will amount up to at least $4000 though. It's gonna be a hefty sum but my dad is willing to pay for it.(hmmm, i don think i'll be getting back the extra $60 i paid for consultation though..) Also i'll not be doing this alone since my hubby is gonna join me. His parents practically forced him so they have no quelms forking out the money. I know xiao wei and the rest of my friends thinks i m half out of my mind to torture myself, but i m prepared for the pain and i really really want this for the sake of straight teeth and prettier smile. My dad is just a tad worried though since i have a skin condition that causes keloids to form and he is worried this might happen when i get my braces in. Anyway, i m getting my X-rays done soon and i'll figure out if i should head back to my old doc to make sure braces will not set my condition off.
Oh, and i have to put my braces on for about 3yrs and will have a totally sugar free diet. Sugar free diet is fine for me as i don't really like sweet stuff anyway. But I can still see my hubby's face and hear his moans.(not being able to eat ice-cream and chocs will kill him..)

Hehe, i have been watching "The X-Family" on youtube and hopefully no more users uploading it gets suspended. Its been tough searching and searching for the episodes. Now i m about halfway through, and also waiting very impatiently for a new drama, "Romantic Princess", starring my idols Wu Chun and Calvin Chen Yi Ru. Well, i shall leave off here for the time being...

NIGHTIE NIGHT!! snozing till daylight...
zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Hazy days begets worse thoughts

2007-07-26T11:09:00.000-07:00

Hi hi…good gracious!! I haven’t blogged for so long, I nearly forgot my password to log in. Alas, my memory has reached a certain point that even the term “short-term-memory” is an understatement.

Well, I really dunno if I’ll be able to recall everything that has been happening and I guess everything I type will not be in sequence. Anyway, I have just finished reading the last installment of the Harry Potter series, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”. I was trying my best to savor the book slowly, mainly because it’s the last and also because I had projects to finish. Man, the book has the hell of a climatic touch in every page and as my brother put it, I wonder how its gonna be like as a movie.

Other stuff have been on my mind lately and some of it has given me an empty feeling I dislike. Haiz..for some reason, I have been feeling lonely lately and it isn’t for the lack of company. It seems to be a relapse of last time where I withdrew deep into myself. On the surface, I can smile to my friends and find laughter in stuff, but inside I just want to curl up and cry. Perhaps the only time I forget this is when I am with my hubby. Unfinished work has piled up and exams are drawing nearer, but I can’t seem to focus. Listening to certain music though, has brought some comfort to my mind.

Right now… I dunno how to continue and I think I shall leave this to be completed tomorrow…

AliOooOoooos!!!!!!

Logs of the Days : Start Week

2007-06-28T12:44:00.001-07:00

PROLOGUE:
Halo, I m finally blogging again…finally…And it’s gonna be a long long one (keke..).
I have the previous days recorded as well since I m too lazy to blog every night. If you find it tedious, skip to Wednesday’s. Best parts!!
By ‘TODAY’, I mean Thursday, 28TH JUNE 2007.

Let’s get started.

MONDAY:
It’s the start of a new term and there aren’t much changes to our schedules. I went to school with a half heart (when is it that I don’t?), though I was a little keen to get back and keep myself busy instead of staying at home and putting on more weight. After Software Eng. Lesson, we handed Wee Sing his present and was “pleasantly” surprised to hear he had already downloaded that DVD from the net. I was like, to hell with it. Just give it to him, don’t really want to care what he does with it anymore (Cos we used a lot of effort and money to buy it ok!! Ya, he dyed his hair and an image of a hedgehog pops up in my mind.). That aside, the four of us headed to Amk to makan. Not bad, since we tired of school food. WAD lesson was the same, and BPO lecture too. We were let off early though, and I claim full credit for that… hehe… cos I was the one to inform Mr Choo we had a test on the next day. (Maybe he did interview others, I have no idea.). Spent the night trying to digest ERP.

TUESDAY:
Looked forward to Mr Cheong’s lesson and reached school absurdly early. Sat outside the lab and pretended to study while consciously ignoring any lecturers who walked past.(Note that forgetting to listen to your iPOD while studying outside the lab is torture.) Finally, Mr Cheong has realized his folly and has revised his teaching methods for the module. Spent the entire lunch break studying for ERP then headed to lesson early. Got very useful tips from Mr Christopher for the test. Then spent an hour with Xiao Wei memorizing the formulaes. Finally, did the test and have mixed feelings about it. Met hubby for dinner and (grinning cheekily) wanted to fall asleep and let him carry me since he was late and I was too tired. Spent the night studying Cost Accounting and nearly killed all brain cells.

WEDNESDAY:
One of the most ridiculous day of my life with a series of entirely unfortunate events. It started uneventfully, other than the fact that I was attempting to do an eEPC diagram with my head full of cobwebs. Lasted through lecture with droopy eyelids and unfocused mind. DID NOT finish the practical as there wasn’t enough time(it was confusing looking and typing in data that was not consistent to that in our books!!). Half the time was spent convincing Xiao Wei about the benefits of eating lunch in school instead of outside(she didn’t have a test to study for, lucky thing!!). Spent lunch time gobbling down my food(indigestion alarm…) and studying for Cost Accounting. The formulaes still don’t make much sense. Did the test with vigor, and handed in the script at exactly 2.49pm so I could avoid waiting till 3pm to hand it in (we were not allowed to leave the theatre 10min before the paper ends). Went out and suddenly wished Xiao Wei was in the same class because I missed having her waiting outside for me. Shin Yi and Chen Sheng did not wait for me!!! DISAPPOINTING!!! Arghh…I did tell them to wait.

Slowly walked to the station to take 76 to work. Busy messaging my hubby on the way complaining about the type of friends I have. Boarded the bus and settled in for a long ride to Parkway. Hehe…started on the book (Title: Go To Hell by Darren Shan) Xiao Wei had loan me. God, I love her!! I told her on Monday to only give it to me on Wednesday and she actually remembered…

When the bus was approaching Parkway, I realized the upper deck was empty, save for me. Went downstairs and saw only two passengers on the lower deck. All three of us disembarked and the uncle drove off with an empty bus (chuckled at the thought). Bought a jacket from Mango, food for my mum and headed to the shop. First thing I did was spill tea all over the fridge (Auntie Pat’s fault!!). Got splashed by her as well when she was pouring the tea into the fridge. Went to take order as my Ah Yee found it too hot to stand in front. She opted to blend instead. Got a faulty cup that spilled tea on me while I was shaking it (third time for the day).
HIGHLIGHT: Was scooping pearls into two cups when I heard something drop from the ceiling. I felt something hit my head and so looked around for it. My mum said there was nothing on the floor and I felt my head and screamed!!! It was some kind of beetle(huge one ok..) and I had felt that clammy texture when I reached above my head. I flicked it off and was so disgusted. Of all the times for it to drop, it couldn’t have picked a better one. ARGhhh… I nearly cried. I still felt its presence on my head after half an hour. YUCKS YUCKS YUCKS!!! I can still hear my mum’s chortles upon looking at my face.

Then we went home and I fell dead asleep after scrubbing my hair out fervently.

TODAY:
NO school, yay!!! Went to Amk Hub to meet Xiao Wei for project. Had lunch at Sticky Rice. Do not wish to try the food there ever again. The fried rice was dry and had no soup to go along with it(no belachan available too…sob sob). It was simple fare that wasn’t worth its money. Maybe I should have tried their Beef Kway Tiao. We walked around Amk Hub and decided not to do project but to go shopping instead. She had a sudden desire to head to Far East plaza and I was quite keen myself. We board the train and I received a message that my hubby was taking time off to see a doctor (he has been sick from the previous day). Worried sick and still am ok. We decided to stop at Bishan and we got lost around the shopping centre (I have not been there for at least 7years). Found nothing much to our fancy and headed for Far East. Received call from hubby and noted he got two days MC. Made sure he had lunch and that he was going to rest (still worried though). Made Xiao Wei try on the clothes she saw and she found one she fancied. Saw Eileen at her working place and waved. I bought a belt to match my formal pants ($5) and Xiao Wei gave in to her sudden desire to wear necklaces and bought one (she claimed I had influenced her). Saw a spaghetti strapped blown out blouse and bought it after trying. Amazingly, Xiao Wei wanted to try it too but did not do so after I had tried it. She is growing up fast man. Came home and had my microwaved spaghetti dinner from 7-11. Fell fast asleep on the sofa while reading. Got a call from hubby and I m glad he sounds better (grinning bucktooth-ee).

EPILOGUE:
Will continue tomorrow. Planning to get my messy hair trimmed. Seriously, even a lion would be ashamed with it. And to lose more weight.

Nitezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… =)

HAppy or SAd, here it is..

2007-06-17T10:57:00.000-07:00

Hi, long time nv blog le..haha..not that I reali busy..just bit on the lazy side..hmmm…ok la..now I still relaxing lor..today Sunday le..so nv blog for close to a week le..tml onwards I’ll start my project le..bit late hor..next week gonna start school le..

Hehe..today was fun..i went to Tampines Mall with hubby to watch Fantastic Four: Rise of the Sliver Surfer. It was a nice movie, quite funny in fact. The whole plot was good, so though I had some mixed feelings about watching it at first, they all disappeared as I was watching it. After the movie, my hubby and I went to collect my formal pants from G2000, then went to buy some stuff and ate dinner..Haha..i think can imagine his face when he read this part…sure thinking why I even mention this trivia matter..dunno la..just feel like it..

Okay, should start on last few days le ba. Wednesday was supposed to be project day, however, after meeting Xiao Wei at ang mo kio, we didn’t have the mood and ended up going to the arcade. We had fun though, didn’t relax for such a long time le… but we couldn’t beat the machine though and kept losing at the fighting machine “Tekken”. Must be down on our luck that day. And my basketball skills are getting worse, I can’t even pass the second round…arghhh… After that we were both bored and ended up at the This Fashion next to Jubilee. There I saw a top I think I’ll buy soon, that is if I got the money and time to buy. Then we went to SengKang library. There, I borrowed three books, and have currently finished two of them. Haha…then I come home, and yet another day has passed.

Thursday, Xiao Wei, Jing Rong and me met up to buy that Wee Sing’s present lor…
We went to a magic shop in Le Meridian near Dhoby Ghaut Mrt. The moment we stepped into the shop, a very weird kind of feeling hit me. Perhaps it’s due the emptiness of the shop.Even after the magician inside spoke to us, I still felt that if we go in, we needed to know exactly what we want and get out fast. However, two other guys came in and it was only after seeing some tricks the magician showed that I felt more relaxed. We ended up buying a DVD for Wee Sing lor…After that the three of us went to the arcade and had fun. And I still lost to Xiao Wei at “Tekken”. (won the first round then lost all the way.)

Ya…I think that you are starting to reach for a snack or two here…haha…forgot to warn that this will be a long post.

Haha…when the above was happening, my hubby also started work le…(at this point I left the room for toilet break…lol..) frankly, I m still a little worried about him. Though he seems haapy at the job, and can tell me he saw a lot of “Xiao Qiang(s)”, I m a little scared he can’t get use to it jus yet. Right now its okay, cos he’s just doing reports. But he has to go out to the worksite soon and I can’t help but get worried about his safety as well as about him able to take the stress as he carry on. I m a little afraid that as school reopens he might need me, but with my projects and exams I might not be able to give him comfort but instead add on to his stress. Haiz..you know, didn’t see him for the last two days, I felt really happy to see him today. Dunno why, but I just suddenly felt happy having him there to hug and lean on. You know, there are times in school that I just wanted his shoulder to lean on, and though I knew I was gonna see him after school but I looked around and felt like I was still in a place full of strangers who did not know me. Even after a year, I still feel like this, and it’s kind of weird huh…oh dear, see, I went out of point le… haha, I just want to be happy for you dear, and I want to tell you I know things are slowly changing and we are both growing up… and I know you look forward to your first paycheck. J…Ya…I got a feeling you might see this in the night..but still wanna tell you…

JIA YOU for the test tml…cos you can make it de…hehe…I do love so you know…God speak your love and I m here…

Nitez le…

Perhaps...my "1st"...

2007-06-11T09:13:00.000-07:00

Ha...This aint my 1st blog and i know it...I just remembered i created this a long time ago and never used it...

Seriously, i am just gonna keep this blog simple...with a dark background and colourful words...cos i always express myself with various emotions (anger being my most common one, unfortunately...) so i shall allow the colours to do the work...

Well, this days have been pretty bad for me. On one hand, i am worried about whether my projects are gonna be completed in time, and on the other, i just wanna have fun to enjoy this school break. However, these are mundane and surface worries. Perhaps the things that hurt me most are my family problems and the fact that my hubby is starting work soon.

My family have always been the same, full of squabbles and fights...and actually i dunno if things are better now or worse. Current status, i aint talking to my bro and don't really intend to for at least another week.. He always has a knack to make me really pissed for a reason..Situation with my mum is not going well either, i just can't stand her forever nagging and the way she thinks she knows everything when she really don't. Haiz...it's not like i don't care for her..i just want to be left alone. Dad wise, he's a tough nut to crack. I can still talk to him..and we are close...but it does come with a price..remember i used to be so scared of him till that fateful day when i was in Primary 4. (actually..i still am..)

My hubby is gonna work in his Dad's place le..haha..actually i m kind of happy for him..cos he was so worried last few weeks..that he won't be able to find a job.. I know he's happy on one hand and sad on the other..same goes for me..Cos we won't be able to meet up often as he needs to work 6-day weeks..Haiz..it hurts me too...but perhaps this is a good thing..that he needs to learn to "grow up" and i'll be catching up soon...!! Haha..time being i just want to continue being a teenager..and just worry about my projects..but i can tell he wants me to grow up faster..Rite?? Hmmm...ya...i said i won't think of marriage till i m 25 and i really mean it...geez...i'll be posting more on this tomorrow cos i suddenly don't feel like elaborating...i just want to sleep with either no dreams or sweet dreams (lately, i have been getting bad dreams and i want them to go away...pls...)

Ya...I intend to lose weight..hopefully by the time i get back to school..seriously..i really want to feel more confident...and i want those clothes(gss still on..)...!!!

Hope God can hear my pleas...

|::*CoLD InStinCt*::|