My Foggy Path......

No more customary greetings today, just straight to the point. Honestly, i can't believe the path i have chosen to take for now. Too many things have happened in the last 3 months and they are a mixture of happy and sad stuff.

To start, this will contradict my last post greatly. Why? I have finally broken off my BGR of 4 years. Actually, its a two-week's old news already. May 10th, to be exact. 1 hr after our break up, i was like, sitting down lost in thoughts, no, not heartbreak or whatsoever. Just plain planning of what i was gonna do. We agreed that breaking off was the right thing since our feelings have died. Remaining friends was also another term we came up with. I have absolutely no regrets, and i shall look back on that relationship with fond memories. And i don't mind saying, i am quite enjoying the freedom of being single.

Now, i have recently been taking upon the role of Aunt Agony to friends and i kind of find it fun. It seems that this leap year is bringing loads of relationship hurdles to people in general. Maybe its a kind of curse. Or just a year where things changes, but for the worse or best, i have no idea.

For school, i have more than enough work to keep me frustrated till the next decade. Actually not really, but my stress level is on high now. I am however, all smiles nowadays and my temper has done nothing but only peek through at certain times. Its seems like i am finally learning to take things in stride. Perhaps its my way of accepting change and it's part of my stepping stone to the next phase of life. Mind though, i am still falling down lots and these falls are giving me the hell of many painful bruises, but i ain't letting them get in my way.

Pardon my incoherent flow of thoughts, but i am jumping back to my emotional side now. Maybe it's just the fact that matters in my heart are weighting me down inside. I have felt the stirrings of certain emotions for a certain someone and it's giving me hell. Haha, it's nice to be able to fall for someone again, and like Xiao Wei says, i am falling deeper and deeper, but i have to build a wall and guard those feeling though. Why? Because they are taboo, and i see no future in them. It's really tough cause' i face that certain someone so regularly. Some people think it's just a crush, but i really don't know. I know somehow the feelings are here to stay. Those rare moments standing in the lift with him with my heart pounding so fast i could beat the world record runners are real, those constant checks of touching my cheeks that i need to do when our eyes meet are seriously real (in case it makes no sense, my cheeks really turned red). I can't help myself. He's on my bloody mind half the time also, and people who knows my feelings are sick of them and i am sick of myself as well.

There is no way these feelings will ever be reciprocated as he'll never look at me that way. Hell, if anyone tells me he sees me more than a child, i'll probably laugh my head off. No one really sees past my exterior, so ya, i am still a kid in people's eyes. So ya, i am completely hopeless, and since i can't do a thing, no, not even speak out of school, i'll just shove it all back into my heart and soul. Though it will hurt real bad, i know enough to handle it with care.

Leaving off here, can't bear to carry on the already tedious post.

LOL!!!